


A baby for Thomas

by Starliam



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: All characters - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-02-08 01:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21467893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starliam/pseuds/Starliam
Summary: Seeing how Thomas likes kids, I decided to come up with a story in which Thomas ends up having to take care of a newborn.To be canon compliant, this story takes place in 1927, after the movie.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 141





	1. A telegram and a baby

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes, I have to go", said Thomas putting on his grey coat. He was rather pale, and looked shocked.  
The housekeeper looked surprised. She didn't know anything about that.  
"Please, ask Mr. Carson if he can come for a few days. I'll be gone for at least a week. I already spoke to His Lordship".  
"Is there a problem, Mr. Barrow?" asked Mrs. Hughes, very worried by Thomas' behaviour.  
"I received a telegram. My sister is very sick. I need to go to her as soon as possible".  
"I am really sorry to hear that, Mr. Barrow. I hope everything will be fine". Thomas nodded, then left, quite in a hurry. 

After a week, Anna entered the servant's hall to find the butler back in his chair, with all the other servants around him, their eyes fixed on a basket on the table. Thomas had telephoned only once, to say that sadly his sister had passed away, and he was staying to organize the funeral. He didn't want to say anything else, only that he was going to be back a few days later.  
"Mr. Barrow, you're back!" said Anna, approaching him. "I am really sorry about your sister... it must have been"... then, her attention was caught by the basket.  
A small baby was sleeping inside it, covered with a pink blanket.  
"What... is that a baby?" she asked, realizing immediately how her question was stupid.  
"Yes," said Thomas, in a plain voice. "Her name is Emily".  
"Is she... you brought her?"  
Thomas looked at Anna for the first time. He was paler than usual, and he had dark circles around his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't slept well in a while.  
"Anna, meet my niece. I told you that my sister died, but I didn't tell you how. She wasn't sick, she died in childbirth. And Emily is her baby".  
Everybody exchanged shocked glances.  
"So, when you received the telegram..." started Mrs. Hughes, leaving the question unasked.  
"The telegram told me that she died, yes. I told you that she was sick because I didn't have time to explain. I went to Manchester to fetch the baby. Since we don't have any other family alive, or it's me or the orphanage, for this little one".  
"But... what about the father of the baby, your sister's husband?" asked Mrs. Patmore, voicing what everyone was thinking.  
"See, that's another funny story. Apparently, the baby's father and my sister's husband are not the same person. When my sister got pregnant, her husband left her, and he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby".  
"How he can be so sure?" asked Andy. Thomas sighed. "My sister and him have been married for almost twenty years. They never had kids. I am not sure why, maybe he had some tests done, but he was sure to be infertile. So, when his wife got pregnant... well... he assumed he wasn't the father".  
"That's ridiculous!" Mr. Bates sounded outraged. "I am sure that from a legal point of view you could..."  
"Maybe, Mr. Bates," interrupted harshly Thomas. "But it's worth to start an expensive and long legal procedure to force someone to maybe take in a baby that he doesn't want in the first place? And what's going to happen to the baby?"  
After a moment, Mr. Bates shook his head. "No, you're right. It's better not to".  
"What are you going to do?" asked Daisy, looking from the sleeping child to Thomas.  
The butler sighed. "I don't know. I'll talk to His Lordship after dinner, and I'll see what he says. If he lets me keep Emily, then I can figure something out. Otherwise, I guess I'll resign and search for another job".  
"Don't be ridiculous! They would never do that!" said Mrs. Hughes, surprised that Thomas could even think of something so terrible.  
"A butler taking care of an illegitimate child in His Lordship's house?" answered Thomas, with a sad smile. "For some reason, I can't see them be happy about it".  
"This family has seen worse", said again Mrs. Hughes, in her usual, sweet voice.  
"Maybe. But it was their worse. I am not part of the family, Mrs. Hughes".  
The housekeeper sighed. "And yet, many times they helped their servants. They did it with Mrs. Patmore, with Anna, and even with you, Thomas. I can't see why this time should be different. Besides, I can't imagine His Lordship asking you to resign just because you didn't want to leave your newborn niece in an orphanage. Anyone else would have done the same, you can't be punished for this".  
"I guess we'll find out soon enough," said Thomas, looking at his pocket watch. "It's time to prepare for dinner. A nurse who I hired in the village should arrive soon, to feed the baby. Do you mind... taking care of Emily while I'm serving dinner? I'm sorry to ask you, but..."  
"Don't be silly!" exclaimed Anna. "She's a newborn, what is the worse thing she can do? Poop? I have a kid myself, I know what to do".  
Thomas nodded, reassured. "Thanks".


	2. A revelation at dinner

"We are glad to see you here again, Thomas", said His Lordship, while the family was entering the dining hall for dinner. "And I am sorry to know about your sister. If there is anything that we can do to help you, please let us know".   
Thomas swallowed, suddenly scared. His heart was racing. He knew that they would have kicked him out, of course they would. But he had to try. "If you don't mind, my lord, there is something I need to talk to you about".  
"Of course," said Lord Grantham, a little perplexed. "Fee free to tell me anything".  
Thomas looked around. Everyone was already seated. "Maybe after dinner, my lord," proposed the butler.  
"Nonsense, Barrow". It was Lady Mary, who was looking intently at him. "Unless it's something very personal, there is no reason to keep us in the dark".  
"As a matter of fact, my lady, is not. Is something that can involve the whole family".  
"Well, then, we are listening". And they were: Branson, Henry Talbot, Lady Mary, His Lordship and Her Ladyship were all looking at him, waiting for what he had to say.   
He couldn't avoid it anymore. The butler cleared his voice and started talking.   
"You know that mys sister died.... but that is the thing that I haven't told you yet. She died in childbirth".  
Different people gasped. "Oh... this is really sad", said Lady Grantham. Thomas knew that she was thinking of Lady Sybil's dead, and he felt sorry for her.  
"It is, my lady, indeed. But it's not everything. I had to... I had to bring here with me her newborn daughter. She didn't have anyone else who could take her in".  
"I thought that your sister was married," said Branson, perplexed.  
"She was, sir. But her husband left her when she got pregnant. He was sure he wasn't the father of the baby. Apparently, he was unable to father a child".  
Everyone looked at each other, shocked. Thomas kept speaking, or he would not have been able to do that. "There is no one else that can take the baby in, I am afraid. I can't leave the baby in an orphanage, and let her be adopted by someone else. She is my niece, after all. But I understand how this can be a not suitable solution for your family. If you want me to, I will give you my notice and resign..."  
"Barrow, what are you talking about?!" started Lady Mary, sounded insulted. "There is absolutely no need to resign over this! What kind of people do you think we are?"  
"I agree with Lady Mary, Barrow", interrupted Lady Grantham, in a calmer voice. "There is no need to be so drastic. You did the honorable thing, by deciding to take care of your little niece. I am proud of you".  
"I... am happy to hear that, my lady. But please, don't forget that we are talking about an illegitimate child that has my last name. This can be a cause for a scandal. I would hate for your family to be involved".   
Lord Grantham spoke for the first time. "We had much worse scandals, as I'm sure you know".  
"Yes, my lord. However, those scandals were kept hidden, in a way or the other. There is no way to hide this one. People will know".  
"And then we'll tell the people the truth," said Lady Mary, impatiently. Clearly she didn't understand what the problem was. "We'll tell them that the baby is the illegitimate child of your sister who died, and that you are her only family. And then we'll ask them what they suggest we should have done. I'm sure no one will have the courage to say that you should have left the baby in an orphanage".   
"And we can also ask them - said Henry Talbot for the first time, wiping his mouth with a napkin - what do they think of the father of the baby, who apparently disappeared".  
"Exactly, thank you!" exclaimed Lady Mary. "Why women are always the ones that are blamed for these things, and no one ever blames men? A woman can't impregnate herself, can't she?"  
"Mary..." said His Lordship, glancing disapprovingly at his daughter.   
"What, Papa? You know is true".  
"I know, and I agree. Just... there is no need to be so graphic".  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Papa. I thought you knew how babies are born. Maybe we should have a talk, you are old enough", answered cheekily Lady Mary, with a smile.Lord Grantham sighed, and Branson cleared his voice. "I can also say that things are not like they used to be. An illegitimate child is still frowned upon, but it's not a terrible sin anymore. Working at the car shop in the village, we saw different single women with children, and it doesn't look like a big deal. Of course, for a noble family standards are different, but I honestly can't see this becoming a scandal, for us. On the contrary, people will appreciate to see the family so close to their butler. And definitely they will appreciate the fact that Barrow decided to take the baby in, instead of giving her up. That would have been much more disapproved by many".   
"I think you are right, Tom", said Lord Grantham. "If we really have to worry about what people think, I'm sure no one will be happy to know that we sacked our butler because he took in an orphaned baby, illegitimate or not". Thomas felt tears stinging in his eyes; he hadn't expected such a demonstration of support. They were talking like he was really part of the family.   
"Here is what we will do," said Lady Grantham, after a moment. "The baby can stay in the nursery for now, while you work. We were about to hire a new nanny anyway, since... there will probably be other little kids soon". She glanced at her daughter Mary, who smiled. So... was she expecting?   
"You will need a nurse, too".  
"I already have one, my lady. I couldn't wait, for obvious reasons, so I hired someone from the village".  
"Good. It's settled, then. We'll see in the future what will be necessary to do".  
"Now, I'm sure we can meet this new addition, no?" asked Lady Mary, smiling."Of course, my lady. I'll be honored for you to meet her".  
No one spoke for a moment, but everybody kept looking at Thomas, who started feeling a little bit weird.   
"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked finally Branson. "Go fetch her!"

Thomas entered the servant's hall almost running, with a big grin on his tired face. He grabbed carefully the basket with the baby inside, looking at Anna, Bates, Baxter and Mrs, Hughes and saying: "They want to see her". Then, with another smile, he left. Anna sighed. "I am relieved", she said.  
"No need", said Mrs. Hughes. "It was obvious that would not have forced him to choose between the child and his job".  
"I would have lost all the respect I have for them, if they did", said Anna Again. 


	3. Thoughts at night time

"You wake up as usual, and then by dinner time you find out that your butler got himself a baby over the week. You can never know what your day turns into", said Lord Grantham, entering in bed next to his wife.  
Lady Grantham smiled. She was happy that her husband was taking the news so good.   
"I think I'm happy for him," said Cora. "I mean, of course, his sister's death is such a sad tragedy... But I always thought that Thomas would have been a great father. And of course we knew that in other circumstances he would have never been able to have a child of his own. I think he is going to be great, with little Emily".   
"Yes, I'm sure he will. But we'll need to make some accommodations for them".  
"Well, I'm sure it's not a problem. This house is now full of children. I didn't think I would have seen again so many kids in this giant home. I'm glad".  
"I am thinking... maybe it would be good for him to have his own place, what do you think?"  
"Like a house?" asked Cora, raising her eyebrows.  
"Yes. Of course, both of them will always be welcome to stay here... but a family, even if small, need its own space. Especially when Emily will be older. We have different cottages that can be good for this. I'll think about it tomorrow".  
"I think it's a wonderful idea, honey". 

"So, what do you think about the great news?" asked Bates, in bed with his wife, before turning off the light. Anna smiled. "Well, I'm definitely shocked. I'm happy that they let Thomas keep the baby. But now... I'm not sure he did the right thing".  
Bates frowned. "What do you mean?"  
Anna seemed to hesitate. "I mean... It's true what Thomas said. Emily is going to be an illegitimate child raised by a butler in a house that is not his own. It's true that now things are different, but people can be mean. If he... had decided not to take her in... it might seem cruel, but she would have been adopted by a couple who would have raised her as their own child".  
"A lot of kids who end up in an orphanage are never adopted, you know that".  
"She is a newborn, John. She would have been adopted immediately".  
"Maybe", nodded Bates. "I see your point. But honestly I can't disapprove Thomas for taking her in".   
"Oh, no, of course not!" exclaimed Anna, vehemently. "I didn't want to imply that. I was just mulling it over, that's all. But of course, in Thomas' place, I would have done the same". They sat in silence for a few seconds. They liked those moments, in which they were together, enjoying the company of the other, without the need of filling the peace of silence with words.   
"You look worried," said Bates with a smile.  
"I am worried", answered Anna, looking indeed very preoccupied. "I don't know if I can picture Thomas being a father".  
"But he likes children".  
"Yes, he does. He likes playing with them. And we only saw him with children that were not his own. With Emily he can't only play or take her piggyback riding. He needs to raise her. He is going to be a father, for her. And you know how raising kids is rewarding, but it can also be difficult. Sometimes it's difficult even for us, and we are two. Thomas is alone". Anna finished her sentence with a hint of desperation in her voice. She really was worried.   
"Honey... Thomas is not alone. You know that. He may not have a wife, but he has all of us. We are not going to leave him alone in this. I heard of an African proverb that says 'It takes a village to raise a child'. This is exactly what is going to happen here. It's probably going to be difficult, yes, but you'll see that everything is going to be fine".  
"I know... I need to relax," said Anna, snuggling against her husband. "Mr. Bates... if years ago somebody told you that today you would have been friendly with Thomas, what would you have said?"  
Bates laughed a little. "Well, I would not have believed that. But Thomas has changed, he is not the same person that he was ten or fifteen years ago. The old Thomas wouldn't have been able to raise a child, the new Thomas... maybe".  
Anna laughed too. "But there is something of the old Thomas, in the new Thomas," said, after a while.  
"What do you mean?" asked her husband.   
"He is still very proud. He doesn't like asking for help, except when he can't avoid it anymore. This has to change, now. Do you remember when he was so sick, years ago? He was almost fainting every day, and yet he wasn't even capable of admitting that he was sick".  
"Yes, I remember that. What happened to him, anyway?"  
"I don't know, he never said. But every time somebody was telling to rest a little, he got mad. It's just an example; but he can't act like that anymore, not with a kid".  
"You are right, of course. We need to show him that we are available to help him, without waiting for him to ask". 

"But this is unacceptable!" Carson looked at his wife, outraged. "I can not believe His Lordship allowed it!"  
Mrs. Hughes sighed. Her husband had always been very old fashioned, but she knew that with some reasoning he would have changed his mind.  
"Is unacceptable that Thomas wants to take care of his niece, who is without a mum?"  
"No, it's unacceptable to have an illegitimate baby raised in the Abbey!"  
"Remember Miss Marigold," reminded him Elsie.  
"Well, that was... different. Her mum was the daughter of His Lordship, there wasn't really anything else to do".  
"Even in this situation there wasn't anything else to do. Try to think about it. Picture yourself in Thomas' place. What you would have done?"  
Carson seemed to think about it. "I would have resigned, and I would have found another job".  
Mrs. Hughes raised her eyebrows. "And wouldn't have been the same? You would have the same problem with another job".  
"No, I wouldn't. Being a butler is a prestigious position, that's why it's not... advisable to have an illegitimate child in the house. But, with a job in a shop, or in a factory, it would have been different".   
Elise sighed. "Well, both His Lordship and Her Ladyship looked happy about it. I saw them briefly with the baby, and they were delighted".  
Carson frowned. "It's true that things are changing".  
"Yes," answered softly his wife. "But not always for the worse. I don't think it's bad to forget about some old social rule, in order to favor compassion".  
"Maybe," conceded finally Carson. "Will Barrow be able to do his duties at least?"  
"I can't see why not. The baby will stay in the nursery, so he can keep working as usual. Actually... maybe sometimes we might babysit for him. She is such a cute little baby, with such big blue eyes! You have to come and meet her!"  
The enthusiasm in his wife's voice made Carson smile. "Yes, well... maybe. Why not?"

Laying in his bed, for the first time in more than a week, Thomas felt like he could finally rest. Those days had been crazy. When he had received the telegram from his sisters' friend, he didn't know what to think. It said that she had died in childbirth. Childbirth? He didn't even know that she was pregnant! Baxter didn't know anything about it, either. Baxter and his sister hadn't talked in years, and Thomas himself was exchanging with her only a couple of letters per year.   
When he arrived in Manchester, sure that he had only to participate in the funeral, he found utter chaos. His sister friend told him that her husband had basically disappeared months before, and he didn't want the baby. The divorce process was almost completed, apparently. Thomas had tried to contact him, to no avail. No one knew who the father of the baby was, his sister never said it to anyone.   
He had been approached by the social workers who had given him his options. His options? Did he have options? Yes, he did. As the only living family member, he had the choice to take the baby with him. Or, he could refuse, and the baby would have been given up for adoption. No, thank you, Thomas refused the second option without even thinking.Between the organization of the funeral and the bureaucratic process to fix the custody of the baby, he never had a moment to think. Was he doing the right thing? Yes, he was. He knew that.He was happy that the family had reacted so well. And even the other servants, seemed ready to help him. The more that he was thinking about it, the more he felt ashamed of how he had treated many of them during the years. But now he was different. And now there was Emily, and he needed to be a better person for her.He closed his eyes, and while he was drifting off to sleep, he thought that the first thing to do in the morning would be to go to visit the nursery.


	4. The social worker

It was cold, and Anna was almost ready to go back home, after finishing the shopping that she needed to do. But maybe a hot cup of tea at that cute place would have been nice...  
Right in that moment, she saw the butler of Downton Abbey, looking rather perplexed in front of the window of a shop that sold kids clothes.  
"Mr. Barrow!" she called, crossing the street to reach him. Thomas looked at her, and his face lit up. "Anna, thank God you're here! I need nappies, but I don't know..."  
"Let me see," said Anna with a smile.  
"Emily only has a few, and the maids keep washing them. She will also need some new clothes, newborns grow up so fast..."  
"Well, maybe I can help you out, if you don't want to spend money. We still have a lot of Johnny newborn's clothes, if you want to use them. They are not... feminine colors, of course, but at that age is not important. And you will only use each of them for a few months anyway".  
"Oh, that would be great, thanks. I don't mind the colors, I think at this point she wouldn't care if I dressed her in burlap, as long as she's warm. Not that I would dress her in burlap, anyway", he quickly added, seeing Anna' stern look.  
"But... are you sure you... won't need them anymore?"  
Anna blushed. "I don't think so, Mr. Barrow. Me and Mr. Bates are not that young anymore. But if we do, maybe you can give the clothes back to us once Emily outgrowns them".  
"Yes. That sounds like a plan".  
"Good, now, for the nappies..."

After a couple of hours, Anna and Thomas were walking to the Abbey together. Both of them had their shopping bags, and they also got that cup of tea that Anna wanted. Anna had promised to bring him some baby clothes the next morning, and they were pleasantly talking to each other, when they entered the servant's hall.  
"Oh, Mr. Barrow, you're here," said Mrs. Hughes when she saw him. "A social worker is upstairs in the library, he wants to talk to you". Thomas' face became serious. "Oh. They said that they wanted to see me, but they didn't..."  
"He explained it needed to be a surprise visit, so that you didn't have time to prepare".  
"It makes sense, I guess".  
"Don't worry," said Anna, with a reassuring smile. "It's going to be fine". Swallowing, Thomas walked upstairs, accompanied by Mrs. Hughes. With a last encouraging smiles, the housekeeper knocked and opened the door, introducing officially Mr. Barrow.

The social worker and Lord Grantham were talking, sitting at the table and in front of a cup of tea.  
"Mr. Barrow, it's a pleasure to meet you," said the social worker, tending his hand.  
"It's my pleasure, sir. Thank you for your visit."  
"Well, I'll leave you to talk in private then," said Lord Grantham, standing and preparing to leave.  
"Lord Grantham, if you don't mind, I still need to talk to you in private, later", said Mr. Danes, sitting in front of the butler.A little perplexed, Lord Grantham answered, "Sure. I'll be in my study".  
On the table in front of them there was an empty cup, and Thomas served himself some tea."Well, Mr. Barrow, talking with Lord Grantham and with some of your colleagues I could confirm that everything that you stated is true. You work and live here as a butler, the family is making any accommodation necessary for little Emily, that is allowed to stay in the nursery, and every worker has a high opinion of you... I would say that everything looks smooth".  
"I'm glad to hear it", smiled Thomas.  
"It looks like everyone here is satisfied with your work, and they are happy about Emily staying with you".  
"Yes, this family has always loved kids".  
"I can see that. We are satisfied too, Emily can have everything that she needs here. I don't have any reason for obstructing the finalization of the custody".  
Thomas openly smiled. "This is great news, Mr. Danes".  
"It is. I only need another word with Lord Grantham, and then I can go. Of course, if you need anything, you can contact our offices. We will gladly help you, if you need advice or anything like that. Caring for a kid can be difficult, and even if you have a lot of help, don't be scared of coming to see us. I don't want you to think that you are on your own in this".  
"I really appreciate that. Thanks".  
"Great. I should get going for now. I only need another word with Lord Grantham. Can you bring me to his study?"

"Ah, Mr. Danes. I was waiting for you", Said Lord Grantham, offering a sit to the guest. "I hope everything is quite alright with the custody of little Emily".  
"Yes, Lord Grantham, I would say so. Only... I wanted to check with you the nature of a rather nasty rumor I heard about Mr. Barrow".  
"Oh," said Robert, trying to smile. He knew exactly what it was.  
"So... Checking with the local police station, it came up that a few years ago someone from this house called the police to report Mr. Barrow... that apparently was behaving inappropriately with another footman. Now, I see that this was dropped, so I don't think it's a problem, but I only wanted to check with you".  
"Yes, I remember, Mr. Danes. I can assure you that there was nothing true about it. Mr. Barrow was very friendly with another footman, James. Sometimes they were playing roughly, let's say. Another servant saw them, and misinterpreted".  
"I understand. It happens more often than you might think. So, nothing else happened, even later?"  
"Oh, no, Mr. Barrow never gave us any reason to think that he has those... inclinations. Actually, a few years later, we had to fire James, the other footman, because he was... caught in bed with one of our guests. A female guest. So, of course there could not have been anything between him and Barrow". Robert felt a little guilty about telling the secret of James. But Barrow was more important.  
Mr. Danes chuckled. "I understand. I'm sorry to have bothered you about something so silly. I will go my way now, I think my job here is finished".  
Lord Grantham smiled. When he had become so good at lying?

"Barrow, please sit", said Lord Grantham, after summoning the butler in his study.  
"I'm... not sure it's appropriate, My Lord," tried to refuse Thomas.  
"Please. This is a discussion that is worth seating". Rather worried, Thomas obeyed, sitting in front of His Lordship.  
"So... Mr. Danes left very satisfied, and he said that he is going to approve the custody of Emily. However, he came to ask me about... well, about that time that the police were called from Alfred to report you for... what you did to James. I am sure you remember". Thomas' face fell. "Yes, My Lord. I do remember".  
"I thought so. Now, since everything was dropped, I didn't have any difficulties in telling that it had been only a mistake and that I have no reason to think that you can have those... inclinations, let's say. But I advise you to be careful. Now you have Emily to think about. And even if me and my family and everyone downstairs is happy to help you, there is only so much that we can do. If, heaven forbid, you were to be arrested, for example... I am not sure that my influence could go very far with social services". Thomas nodded, biting his lips. It was true. Only a few weeks before he was in fact arrested... and luckily Richard was able to help him. Now that he had Emily, he couldn't risk.  
"I understand, My Lord. And thank you for your kind help. I am sorry that you had to lie on my behalf".  
"Oh, don't worry about that. I didn't mind. I just wanted to warn you about what he said. But I am glad that everything is sorted out, and I can't wait to see Emily growing up here".  
Thomas swallowed. Why His Lordship was being so nice with him? But now, he had to go downstairs. There were so many things to do, and he had to tell Richard about Emily.


	5. Thinking of the future

"Richard Ellis, please", said Thomas in the telephone.  
"It's me. Who is it?"  
Thomas hesitated. They almost never talked on the telephone, for fear of being heard. But this time, he couldn't wait to hear his voice.  
"Richard, it's me".  
"Thomas!" came the excited voice of Richard, and then the noise of a door that was being closed . "What happened? I was so worried! You didn't answer my last letter..."  
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. That's why I'm calling you. Something... something happened".  
Richard tone became serious. "Is everything alright?"  
"Yes. No. I mean... I guess".  
"Tell me everything".  
Thomas sighed. "The day I received your last letter... I also got a telegram. My sister died. She died having a baby. That's why I didn't answer you... I had to leave immediately for Manchester".  
"That's terrible. I'm really, really sorry".  
"Wait. There's more. Apparently... well, my sister's husband had left her, so there was no one who took the baby in. Long story short, the baby came to live with me". Silence on the other part.  
"Richard?" pressed Thomas.  
"Yes. Yes, I'm still here. So... well, that's... I don't know what to say".  
"Well, say something!"  
"Are you happy?"  
Thomas was surprised by the question. "I... I guess I am. I mean... I am happy that little Emily is living with me."  
"Well... then I'm happy for you. This is such a life changing event... how the family took it?"  
"Oh, they are amazing, thankfully. They let me keep her in the nursery, and they hired a new nanny. I am relieved that at least I have some support".  
"It's not going to be easy to raise a kid. Definitely the support of the family is going to make your life much easier".  
"I know. But you know what would make my life easier?"  
Thomas could almost feel the big smile blossoming on the other man's face. "No. What?" teased him Richard.  
"If I could see you soon".  
"Oh, Thomas. I was about to propose you something".  
"What?"  
"I'm assuming that in York there must be some amazing, special tailor that can do something for His Royal Highness... If you could do some research about it, I could convince him to send me to York to purchase something special for him".  
"That is an amazing plan. I also have another one".  
"Explain", laughed Richard.  
"If everything goes smoothly, I think I will have to go to Ripon to sign the documents for Emily's custody. But there is no reason to tell the family that I have to go to Ripon. I could persuade them that I have to go to York for the entire day, and spend the night there".  
Richard sounded confused. "But... to do the research on tailors?"  
"No. Let's say that at the station I can end up on the train for London... They would never know".  
Richard openly laugh. "That's a very good plan! Fine, let me know how it goes. And we'll see each other soon, whichever plan works first!"

The telephone call with Richard had put Thomas in a very good mood. The next day, he was still feeling the beneficial effects, and during the night he had come to a decision. What His Lordship had told him had made him thinking. He needed to do more to be sure that Emily's future was going to be guaranteed, if something were to ever happen to him.  
That night, Anna and Bates had gone home a little earlier, to have dinner at the cottage together.  
Right while they were finishing, they heard someone knocking on their door. A little surprised, Bates went to open, to find Thomas that was waiting outside.  
"Hello," he said. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to talk to you".  
"Oh, yes, sure. Come in", said Bates.  
"Please, Mr. Barrow, have a seat," said Anna with a warm smile.  
"Oh... call me Thomas, now that we are outside work and in your house. Please", he answered with a smile.  
"Well, good. So, please, Thomas, have a seat. Have you eaten already? Would you like a cup of tea?"  
"Yes, I did. And yes, a cup of tea would be nice. Thank you".  
Once the three of them were settled with steaming cups of tea in front of them, Bates started the conversation. "So, Thomas, to what we owe the pleasure of your visit?" He was smiling, but Thomas knew that Bates understood that they were about to have an important conversation.  
Thomas breathed in, like gathering the courage. Both Anna and Bates were looking at him, with expressions of curiosity mixed with a little worry.  
"I would like to talk to you about something involving little Emily". Anna and Bates looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "While I am very happy to take care of her, there is something that I need to consider. I am not married, nor I will ever be... and if something were to happen to me, I don't want Emily to end up in an orphanage".  
"His Lordship would never let that happen," considered Bates.  
"I am sure. But I want something official. You don't have to answer now, of course... but I would like that you signed some document that says that you will get Emily's custody, if for some reason, I can't take care of her in the future".  
Anna and Bates exchanged glances, clearly surprised.  
"We would be honored", said Anna after a while, knowing that she was talking for her husband too.  
"I... am glad to hear it. Really", said Thomas. "I am relieved knowing that she will be fine. But of course, take the time to read everything, and to think about it. I don't want you to think that you have to do it. Don't feel forced to accept, of course".  
"Thomas," said Bates, in a grave tone of voice. "You know how much we love kids. Of course we would take little Emily with us, if there was such a need. Of course, let's hope it doesn't come to that. But even then, we would love to be involved in her life, and to help you take care of her, as we already told you".   
Thomas nodded. "And... also, I am going to open a bank account just for her, where I'll try to put some money every month. This way, she can have some money when she grows up, to study or anything else. But... again, if something happened to me... this way you can have some money to take care of her. I know how a child can be expensive, and I don't want you to have troubles from that point of view".  
"That is very kind of you," said Anna, smiling. "But can I ask... why you chose us? I am glad that you did, and I personally feel honored by it, and I'm sure Mr Bates feels the same... But I'm sure that Lord and Lady Grantham would take her in too, for example. Or even Lady Mary. Are you sure you want us to do so?"   
Thomas seemed to think about it. "I'm sure that they would take her in too. I don't think they will give her up, even if I'm only their butler. But still... with them she would probably grow up as "the ward" of someone, and no one would be able to forget who she really is. I know that this wouldn't happen with you. You would take care of her like she was your own daughter, without making any difference between her and your little Johnnie". Anna was clearly moved, with her eyes moist. Bates cleared his voice. "Of course we would. And we are going to read and sign these documents first thing in the morning, don't worry. But it's just a precaution: you are young and healthy, and I'm sure there won't be any need for it".  
Bates didn't know he was actually wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get scared!!


	6. A special night in London

Thomas felt excited. The train ride seemed eternal: he couldn't wait to see Richard's face waiting for him at the platform. This would have been the first time that they met after that rushed goodbye kiss, and Thomas couldn't help but feeling a little scared too. Would Richard still like him? Maybe he remembered him differently? He also felt a little guilty with how he had found a way to go to London. He had told Lord Grantham he needed a day and a half off to go to York and meet different people before signing the papers for Emily's custody. In reality, he already signed the papers in Ripon, and he wasn't going to York, but to London.  
Lord and Lady Grantham had been really nice with him, and Thomas didn't like the idea of lying to them. But he desperately needed to see Richard. Besides, in those days the family didn't have anything planned, not even the Dowager was expected for tea or dinner. So, Thomas was sure that his absence wouldn't have been a big problem.  
Finally, finally, the train arrived at the station in London. Thomas sprung from his seat, in order to be one of the first to arrive at the platform. He was, and started frantically to look around, searching for Richard's face. He was about to get desperate, when he saw him: Richard Ellis, standing on the far corner, that was smiling at him from a distance. Thomas had to use all is self-control to restrain himself from running towards him and kiss him in front of everyone.  
"Welcome to London, Thomas" welcomed him Richard with a big smile.  
They spent the day together, walking, shopping, eating, drinking and talking. In the rare moments in which no one could see them, they quickly held each other's hand.  
At the end of the day, Thomas felt like he had always known Richard: they shared a lot of interests and experiences, and naturally felt close to each other.  
They got two separate rooms in a small hotel, pretending to be colleagues traveling from work: it was safer than using Richard's room in the palace.  
Of course, they had decided that they would actually spent the night together... in Thomas' room.The butler was now waiting sitting on his bed, incredibly nervous. It was probably the first time he was sleeping with someone he really felt close to. Was he in love? He thought so. Probably this was how being in love felt. His heart was beating faster and faster, and he was getting impatient by the minute. 

Finally, a knock on the door. Thomas jumped from the bed to open it, and found Richard, smiling. "I was hoping that you would open the door naked," teased him the Royal Dresser.  
Thomas chuckled, letting him in and locking the door. "I thought about it, but with my luck it would have been an employee of the hotel delivering me a message". Richard got closer, brushing his lips against Thomas' and starting untying his tie. "Well, it's a problem that is easily fixed". Then, he finally kissed him.

The next morning arrived too early, for Thomas' liking. He woke up hugged to Richard, who was still sleeping. Thomas smiled. He couldn't believe he was so lucky. Finally, some happiness for him too. He got closer to Richard's face. This time, the "sleeping kiss" would have had a different outcome, he hoped. He lightly pressed his lips against Richard's, who slowly opened his eyes. By seeing Thomas, he smiled. "Good morning, love". Thomas smiled even more. 

The day spent together had been amazing. On the train back home, Thomas couldn't stop smiling. He had a boyfriend, a kid, the job that he had always dreamed, and everything was marvelous. He felt tired, very tired. But it was normal, after... after everything he and Richard did together.  
Now, they would have seen each other in York, in only a few weeks. Thomas was planning on saving all his half days in order to be able to ask for more time to spend with Richard.  
Suddenly, a bout of coughing surprised him, and Thomas wasn't able to stop for a while. The old lady sitting next to him told him: "Oh, honey... would you like a mint?" Thomas accepted the candy with a shaking hand, thinking that he really had to stop smoking. 

"Good morning Andy," said Lord Grantham, the next day. It was unusual that Andy was serving breakfast and distributing the post, usual it was Thomas who took care of that. "Is everything fine with Mr. Barrow?" asked then to the footman.  
"Not really, my lord," answered Andy. "He didn't come down for breakfast this morning. He has a fever and a cold".  
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did you call Dr. Clarkson?"  
"No, my lord. Mr. Barrow insisted it wasn't necessary. He is sure he is going to be fine soon".  
"Very well. But please, Andy, if he is not better by tomorrow morning, call Dr. Clarkson anyway, no matter what he says. We know Barrow can be very stubborn".  
There was no need to wait for the next morning: when Andy brought Thomas the luncheon's tray, he found the butler very hot, pale and unresponsive.  
  
"It's a bad case of pneumonia, I'm afraid", told Dr. Clarkson to Lord and Lady Grantham. "Mr. Barrow needs to stay warm, to rest a lot and to drink plenty of fluids. I am very worried about his fever, is too high. I gave him something to try to lower it, and I'll come back later to check on him. Please, call me if anything changes".  
"That didn't sound so well", commented Lady Grantham, after the doctor had left. "Pneumonia... it can be very dangerous".  
"I know," answered her husband. "Let's hope that Barrow's health will improve soon".  
It didn't. By dinnertime, Thomas' fever was still high, and no one had been able to make him drink, since he was still unconscious.  
"It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," said Dr Clarkson to a speechless Lord Grantham, who couldn't believe that someone that looked like the picture of health could be on the deathbed in the space of a day.  
"There is no need to transport him to the hospital," explained again Dr. Clarkson. "What would be done there is the same of what can be done here. I was able to give him some crushed pills, let's see if it helps. Lord Grantham... I heard that recently Thomas got the custody of a baby, am I right?" "Yes... yes, his niece Emily. Very recently". The doctor nodded, glumly. "Well, I am sorry to say it, Lord Grantham, but if I were you I'd start thinking about... what can be done with the baby if things go bad".  
Lord Grantham closed his eyes. It couldn't be real. 

That very night, the house seemed quieter than usual, but at the same time, the activities were buzzing. Servants were going up and down the stairs, the dinner resulted in some soup and sandwiches, and the family was exchanging telephone calls while talking to each other and the downstairs staff. Mr. Bates and Anna met on the stairs while she was going up with some clean clothes.  
"Anna - called her Bates - I just spoke with Lord Grantham. I showed him the documents we signed for Emily, and he said that... if... things go bad, he will give them to Mr. Murray. The lawyer can take care of everything, so that we are sure that the process will go smoothly".   
Anna's lower lip started quivering. "Honey..." whispered Bates, caressing her cheek.  
"I don't want him to die", managed to say the lady's maid.  
"Of course not, honey. I don't want him to die either. I am just trying to be practical. We promised him that we would take care of little Emily, and I want to be sure we are able to keep this promise".  
Anna nodded, then hugged her husband, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Bates caressed her hair, kissed her temple, and held her tightly. 

In the dining hall, words were only a few, and very tense. Everyone was serving themselves from the sandwiches plate, but not many seemed eager to eat like usual.  
"What... what we'll do with Emily if..." Branson question remained unfinished: there was no need, everyone knew what he meant. "Anna and Bates will take her," answered Lord Grantham, eating his soup. "Barrow made them sign some documents a few days ago. It almost looks like he felt it", finished the sentence Robert, shaking his head. "Of course we are going to help them, like we are doing now with Thomas?" asked Lady Grantham. "Of course, my dear". 

Mrs. Hughes was sitting next to Thomas' bed, watching the young man. He was unmoving, still very pale and sweaty. She decided to change the top of his pajamas, so that he could be dry. She saw a couple of pajamas on the desk: the maid must have left them there earlier. Moving them to put them in the dresser, Mrs. Hughes saw a letter under the clothes. It was a letter that apparently Thomas had started writing before feeling too sick. She didn't mean to read it, but her eyes inadvertently went to the first line.

_Richard, my love..._  
What..?


	7. A special visit

"Mrs. Hughes, can I have a word?" Lord Grantham had summoned the housekeeper in the library, and she had a pretty good idea of what that was about.  
"Of course, my lord".  
"I just went to see Barrow in his room... and I met a gentleman that was there with him. Mr. Richard Ellis, the Royal Dresser. He said him and Barrow were friends. Do you know anything about it?"  
Mrs. Hughes tightened her lips. "I do, my lord. As a matter of fact, I am responsible for Mr. Ellis' presence here".  
Lord Grantham seemed a little confused. "How so?"  
"Well, my lord... it's not quite easy to say... but Mr. Ellis and Mr. Barrow met here during the Royal visit. And...they became friends. Very, very close friends, if you understand what I mean".  
Lord Grantham seemed now surprised. "Oh... I didn't know Barrow had a... close friend".  
"I didn't know either, my lord. But the other day, I went to fetch something in Mr. Barrow's bedroom, and I saw an open letter on the desk, that Mr. Barrow was writing to Mr. Ellis before getting too sick. I didn't mean to read it, I swear. But I saw the first sentence, and it was clear that... there was a very close relationship between them. It was also clear that Mr. Ellis was waiting for that letter, and I didn't want him to get worried. Also... at that point, there was the possibility that Mr. Barrow could die, and I honestly thought that Mr. Ellis had the right to know. So I took the matter into my own hands and I contacted him. I found his number, and I telephoned him. I honestly didn't invite him here, but once he knew... he was so desperate that I couldn't tell him not to come. I hope Your Lordship is not too mad".  
"I am not mad at all, Mrs. Hughes. I am just surprised. I wasn't aware of the situation between Barrow and Mr. Ellis. He is the Royal Dresser, right?"  
"Yes, my lord".  
"And where is he staying?"  
"His parents live in York, but he took a room at the Grantham Arms, so that he could be close".  
"I understand. I'm sure we can find him a room here at the Abbey, Mrs. Hughes, what do you think?"  
The housekeeper smiled. "I'm sure we can, my lord". 

"What?! But that is... not acceptable!"  
Mrs. Hughes was starting to lose her patience. Those days had been very tiresome for her and for the other servants, and she only wanted some comprehension from her husband.  
"You already knew that I contacted Mr. Ellis. I told you".  
"Yes, but I didn't know His Lordship was going to give him a room at the Abbey. It's so inappropriate! What if someone finds out?"  
"And who is supposed to find out? And to find out what? That Mr. Barrow is very sick and received a visit from a friend?"  
"You know what I mean... I understand that you wanted to tell him, and I agree. But he only needed to know, not to come here and stay at the Abbey!"  
"Listen to me, Charles. I am fed up with your behaviour. It's not up to you to decide what is proper and what is improper. And besides, do you understand that Thomas is still very ill? His life may not be in danger anymore, but it was for long days, and you seem more troubled by... his sweetheart staying with him, then the fact that he could die. Honestly, I am surprised by you, and not pleasantly".  
"His sweetheart!" Carson looked outraged.  
"See? You're doing it again!"  
"But..."  
"I'm tired, Charles. I have to go back to the Abbey to help Andy, Anna and Mr. Bates to do everything Thomas would do every day. We'll talk later".  
"Elsie..." too late. Mrs. Hughes had already left. 

"How are you today, Mr. Barrow?" asked Anna, bringing him a tray with some soup for lunch.  
"I feel much better Anna, thanks. Dr. Clarkson said I will be able to get up soon".  
"That's a wonderful news! I'm sure you would love to see little Emily again".  
Thomas' face became sad. "Yes. According to Dr. Clarkson there shouldn't be any problems, but I don't want to risk getting her sick. She is still so tiny..."  
"But she is a beautiful baby. She looks like you a little, already", said Richard, who had met the baby the day he arrived.  
Thomas smiled, like a proud father.  
"Mr. Ellis, we are waiting for you downstairs for lunch, if you'd like," said Anna.  
"With pleasure. Thank you". Richard had been eating with the Downton staff since he arrived. They had been nice to him, and he liked to talk to them. Better than eating by himself, for sure. But that day, he was in for a surprise.  
All the servants were already eating some amazing stew from Mrs. Patmore, laughing and chatting. Everyone seemed to be more relaxed, now that Thomas was officially going to be fine.  
Suddenly, everyone stopped talking, and looked at the door.  
"Good afternoon," said someone.  
"Mr. Carson, what a surprise!" exclaimed Ms. Baxter, while everyone stood. Mrs. Hughes didn't say anything. She only looked at her husband, with her lips tight.  
"Well... I thought I could have lunch here today, with my wife and you all," explained the former butler. "Plus, Mrs. Hughes told me there was a... guest... and I would like to make his acquaintance a little better".  
"Mr. Carson, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Ellis, giving Carson his hand.  
"My pleasure to see you again, Mr. Ellis," said Carson, formally.  
The lunch went on normally as usual, and Mrs. Hughes looked a little more relaxed after a while, seeing that her husband wasn't actually searching a fight with Mr. Ellis.  
Once they were alone again, Mrs Hughes started to speak. "Why you came for lunch today?".  
"Well, you always said that I was welcome, if I wanted to dine with my former colleagues".  
"And you are. But you never come. Why today?"  
Carson was silent for a few moments. "I only... thought to what you said earlier. You know how I am attached to social convention, but I don't want you to think I am unkind".  
Mrs. Hughes sighed. "I only wanted your comprehension. It's been a long week. I was sincerely scared for Mr. Barrow. We all were. Mr. Ellis is really nice, and Lord Grantham only wanted to make Thomas happy. There was no reason for you to react like that".  
"I understand, and I'm sorry. But you know how these things are. What they are doing... it's illegal".  
"And it should be? The very question is, are they hurting anyone? You know that they are not. We they can't be a little happy? At least at the Abbey they don't risk to be arrested".  
"Well, considering how often we had the police in the house, I'm not so sure about that".  
Mrs Hughes smiled. "Anyway, don't worry. Since now Thomas is better, Mr. Ellis will leave soon".  
"But he'll be back, will he?"  
"I really hope so. For Thomas' sake. I've never seen him so happy".

"I would like to stay forever, you know that. But I really need to go back to London. I can't prolong my... 'family emergency' for long".  
Thomas was suddenly sad. "I knew you had to leave at some point. But I hoped that day never came".  
"Well, it means that you are better. I would never leave if you were still so sick like when I arrived".  
"I'm sad we couldn't... you know".  
Richard smiled. "I'm sad too. But you still need your rest".  
"Mmm... what if we... we could be really slow and careful".  
Richard's eyes twinkled. "I wouldn't want you to have any problems..."  
"I won't. If I start feeling bad, I will tell you, and we'll stop".  
"But... what if someone comes?"  
"Lock the door. No one should come until dinner time, anyway".  
Richard smiled again. He got up, locked the door, and went to sit on the bed, where he kissed Thomas, very slowly.


	8. An odd proposal

After a couple of days, Thomas was still a little weak. But more important, he was very, very grumpy. Richard had left, and he seemed to have brought away with him Thomas' happiness. The only times the butler felt content was when he was in the nursery to see little Emily and to play with the other children. But apart from those moments, it looked like the old, broody, unhappy and scheming Thomas was back.  
He was barking orders and answering sarcastically to the other servants, who were accepting it only because they were aware of his situation.  
But at some point, somebody snapped. And it was the last person Thomas would have thought.  
He was reading the newspaper in the servant's hall with Anna and Bates, both busy sewing something.  
Daisy was bringing a tray back in the kitchen, and let it slip on the floor, with a loud "crash".  
This seemed to tick off Thomas. "Hey! Be more careful, won't you?" he almost shouted.  
Anna gasped, and Bates was about to say something; but Daisy was quicker: "You can't talk to me like this, Mr. Barrow! It's been two days that you are biting the head off everyone. Now it's enough. It's not my fault that Mr. Ellis had to leave. I'm sad you can't be with him, truly. I am. But it's not my fault, or anyone else's".  
Anna and Bates sat quietly and surprised, clearly waiting for Thomas to explode. Instead, the butler seemed to calm down. "You're right, Daisy. I am sorry. I shouldn't treat you like that. I'm just... it's difficult, you know. And now that I actually have someone, it's even more difficult. I am able to see him only once in a blue moon, and only if we pretend to be colleagues, or cousins, or something like that. We can't be seen together... romantically, we can't live together, or even hold hands in public. And there's more... because now I risk to lose custody of Emily, if people find out... what I am. I am not allowed to even do a small mistake anymore".  
Again, everyone was silent. Anna and Bates lowered their heads on the table. And even this time, it was Daisy who spoke.  
"Do you think that... it would be easier for you, if you were married?"  
"What do you mean?" asked Thomas, perplexed.  
"I was thinking... if you were married... to a girl, obviously... no one would question Emily's custody, I guess".  
"I guess so... but I won't be married to a girl, so it's a moot point".  
Daisy blushed, before speaking again.  
"If it's necessary, Mr. Barrow... I will marry you for real, you know".  
Thomas almost coughed on his tea, while Anna and Bates looked at her, stunned.  
"Don't be daft", said Anna.  
"I'm not daft! A lot of... people like Thomas do this. I understand it. That way he could distract people who think bad of him, and at the same time see Mr. Ellis more often. If Mr. Barrow was married, everybody would think that Mr. Ellis was only his friend".  
"Yes, they would," said Thomas. "And you would be stuck in a sham marriage, without love or... sex, without children, just to allow me to cheat on you with a man. I don't have to point out, Daisy, that it wouldn't be fair to you. And to be honest, not even to me".  
"Or to Andy", added Anna.  
"Or to Andy, exactly. What would you tell him? You were organizing your wedding with him just this morning, and now are you going to tell him that you are marrying me? Maybe I would be safe from what other people think, but Andy would definitely kill me".  
"Well... of course we would get a divorce after a while," said Daisy again. "Me and Andy could get married after that. It wouldn't change anything to you: after being married to a woman, no one would question you".  
Anna started laughing. "Daisy, you can't be serious", she said.  
Daisy looked offended. "Why? Because I don't want Mr. Barrow to go to prison? Well, maybe you don't care enough, after all!"  
"I didn't..." Thomas raised a hand, silencing Anna.  
"Daisy, listen to me. Honestly, I'm honored that you are so worried about me, and that you would go to such lengths for my welfare. But I couldn't ask that of you. It's very nice for you to offer, but it's not what I want. I want you to be happy with Andy, if that is what you'd like. I will take care of my situation with Richard. And believe me, if I ever need your help with something, I will come to you. Now I'm absolutely sure that you care very much about me".  
Daisy smiled. "Yes, you can be sure of that". 

After Daisy left, Anna smiled a little. "What was that?"  
"I think sometimes our Daisy wish she could fix everything. But she can't fix me".  
"Don't be silly", said Anna again. "You don't need fixing".  
Thomas scoffed. "Yes, maybe. But it would be so much easier if I were different. But I tried, and it didn't work, so..."  
Anna and Bates glanced at each other. "What you mean, you tried it?" asked Bates.  
"I tried some kind of cure for my tendencies. Do you remember years ago, when I was sick and you all couldn't leave me in peace, always asking me to rest and telling me how horrible I looked?"  
"Yes. I thought you had a bad case of the flu," answered Anna.  
Thomas shook his head. "It wasn't the flu. I had gone to London to see my sick dad, remember? Except that my dad had been dead for years already".  
"Then... what you went to London for?" asked Anna again, her voice almost a whisper.  
"I... had found and advertisement in the paper about a cure for people like me. So I went there for a week to do the treatment. Electrotherapy, pills, everything. Of course it didn't work, and they gave me some injections that I kept doing here when I came back. Whatever it was, wasn't sterilized, and made me sick. I went to Dr. Clarkson who told me that... there is no cure".  
"Of course there isn't," said Bates. "You're not sick".  
"And yet, society thinks I am".  
"You can still be happy, even if it's going to be difficult". Bates was always speaking in that calm, quiet voice, capable of making everything seem a little better.  
"That's an understatement", said Thomas, with a small, sad smile.  
"I hope you sued them," said Anna, very pale.  
"And tell the police who I am? I don't think so".  
"It must have been terrible", commented Anna. "I'm really sorry, Thomas".  
Thomas didn't answer, and Bates spoke again. "You know, I tried to cure me too. And like what you did, it didn't work".  
"What did you try to cure?" asked Anna, surprised.  
"I don't think I ever told you. But when I arrived here, I had many problems because of my limp. So I bought some kind of device that was supposed to correct it. I didn't last long before I threw it it in the lake".  
Anna covered her mouth with a hand.   
"Do you think it would have worked, in the long run, if you had kept using it?" asked Thomas, curious.  
"I don't think so. Maybe. Seeing the wounds that it gave me, though, I think I would have died of infection before getting any result".   
"I'm sorry. I think I contributed to your... feeling inadequate". Thomas was clearly upset by this revelation.   
"Don't worry. It wasn't your fault".   
"Well, it looks like we have one thing in common, Mr. Bates", smiled Thomas.  
"I think we have more than one thing in common, Mr. Barrow".


	9. A new home

It was her half day, and Anna was taking advantage of the free time to do some chores around the house; and to go to the village to buy some fabric and some threads. She had decided to alter some of the clothes of her son, who was growing quickly. Probably it was possible to adapt some of his pants and shirts so that they would last a little longer.  
Coming home, she passed in front of one of the old cottages in which previously other members of the staff were living. It had been empty for a long time, since the Downton staff wasn't very numerous anymore, and everyone was living at the village or inside the Abbey.  
Normally, her attention wouldn't have been caught by it: it was a cottage like any other, very similar to the one in which she lived with Mr. Bates. But that day, she was surprised of seeing there Lady Mary and Mr. Branson. They seemed to be inspecting it from outside.  
"Good afternoon, Lady Mary. Good afternoon, Mr. Branson", said Anna, politely.  
"Oh, Anna", smiled Lady Mary, getting close to her lady's maid. "We are looking at this cottage. It's one of the best that we have, even if it doesn't look like. With a little work, it could be used".  
"Are you planning to rent it, my lady?" asked Anna.  
"No, not rent it. Papa thought that it would be a good idea to give it to Barrow".  
"Oh", Anna looked at the cottage, doubtful.  
"Of course, we have to check it inside, first", said Tom.  
"Yes, let's hope it's not too bad inside," smiled Mary. Then, she looked at Anna again, this time with a frown on her face. "You don't like the idea? You don't look happy about it."  
"No, it's not that. I think it's very generous of you. But I thought he could stay at the Abbey".  
"Oh, but of course he can. He will still have his room, and there will be a room for Emily as well. They can stay there every time they want. But... especially when the baby will grow up, it's possible that she will like to have a place of her own, let's say".  
"Robert was thinking mainly to that," said Tom. "Your Johnnie stays at the nursery during the day, but at night he goes back with you and Mr. Bates to your cottage. Lord and Lady Grantham are scared that little Emily might feel a bit of an outsider, growing at the Abbey without really being part of the family. Even if of course we won't do anything to make her feel unwelcome. But this way, both her and Barrow can have their own house".  
Anna smiled. It was true, Thomas would have liked that. "It's really generous of you. Mr. Barrow will definitely appreciate it".  
"Well, this cottage is going to stay empty otherwise", said again Lady Mary. "I don't think we'll ever need it anyway. At least someone can make good use of it".  
"Definitely, my lady. A house needs to have someone who takes care of it".  
Mary smiled again. "And they will be living close to you and Bates. I hope you won't mind".  
"Oh, not at all, my lady. It would be nice, actually".  
Lady Mary's expression turned serious again. "Actually... the main reason for choosing this particular cottage was because it's so close to your and Bates' house. I... suspect that Barrow may need some help, at some point. And I think that both of you will be able to give it to him. But I want to know if you are really fine with this idea. I don't want to impose this over you".  
Anna was surprised. "Oh, my lady, it's really not a problem for us. We'd like to help him, if he needs it".  
"I know, I just wanted to be sure. I know that you are already helping him, and that you grew really close".  
Anna smiled. She felt ready to go back home. She was a little tired, and wanted to lie down a little bit.  
"Don't tell him anything, yet," asked Tom, before she could leave. "We really need to be sure that the cottage is fine enough".

A few days later, Thomas was in that very same cottage, with little Emily. He was checking the condition of the house from the inside. It wasn't so bad: it needed to be cleaned and repainted, of course. But it had electricity and water, and it would have looked cozy and comfortable, with some new furniture and decorations. He had left the door open, to let some fresh air inside, and he was currently playing with the baby, who had just learned how to smile. He was playfully showing her the different parts of the kitchen, describing them in a funny voice, to see her little smiles.  
Suddenly, he heard a voice. "May we come in?" It was Tom Branson, that was standing in the doorway with his daughter by the hand, waiting for the permission from Thomas.  
"Of course, sir", answered the butler, a little surprised.  
Tom entered and smiled at Emily, taking her little hand in his own. The baby smiled back and made a funny sound that made Thomas laugh.  
"Do you like it here?" asked Branson to Thomas. "It will be nice, once it is a little fixed".  
"I like it very much, sir. I think you all have been very generous to me".  
"Of course. It was only right for you to have your own cottage, now that you have your own little family with Emily. Are you going to repaint it, I imagine."  
"Yes, sir. I was about to go to the village to get some paint. What color would you like your room?" said Thomas, turning to the baby to talk to her in a funny voice. "Maybe a nice shade of yellow?"  
Tom smiled again. It was nice to see Barrow acting so sweetly. He had never seen him like that. Definitely, taking care of Emily was good for him.  
"I can help you paint!" offered Miss Sybbie.  
Tom and Thomas smiled. "Oh, I'm sure you would like that, Miss Sybbie", answered Thomas. "But I might have a more important job for you".  
"Which one?" asked the kid with a big smile, clapping her little hand.  
"These walls need some decorations, and you are so good at drawing. Why don't you make me one of your amazing drawings, so I can put it right on this wall?"  
The little girl started jumping up and down with excitement. "Oh, yes! My drawing will be in your house! I will do it now!"  
"No, not now, Sybbie," said her dad, smiling and taking her by the hand. "We are going to the village to get the notebooks that you need, have you forgotten? We can also get new colors, if you'd like. Actually... Barrow, may I give you a ride? We are going to the village anyway".  
Thomas looked surprised, and a little doubtful. "Oh, I don't know..."  
"Why not? We are going now. We only have to get those supplies, so I can also bring you back. It will be easier, with the baby and the paint".  
Branson had a point. Thomas had thought of ordering the paint and have it delivered, but he could definitely save some money going in Mr. Branson's car.  
His decision was definitely taken after Miss Sybbie spoke again. "Oh, please, Mr. Barrow, come with us! We can get some ice cream all together!"  
Thomas smiled again.  
"That's really nice of you, sir. Thank you", he said with a smile. 

It was a nice afternoon, with some ice cream and some shopping. Thomas liked to spend time with Miss Sybbie, and Mr. Branson had been really nice in helping him to unload the paint and supplies that Thomas had bought. Now, he had different buckets of paints in different colors. Yellow for Emily's room, white for the kitchen and dining room, light green for his room, and blue for the guest room. Plus, a nice cream shade to repaint the doors. With the curtains that Anna and Phyllis said they were sewing for him, it would have been very cozy. He looked at Emily, that was sleeping in the stroller. The next day he would have started setting up their home.


	10. A rough night

Anna woke up suddenly. She was sweating, and even if she already couldn't remember, she knew she just had a bad dream. Sometimes it happened, especially considered the news she had the day before. A very happy news, but she couldn't help being worried.  
Anna looked next to her: John was sleeping peacefully. She decided to get up to get a glass of water; maybe then she would have been able to go back to sleep.   
She got up very slowly, in order not to wake up John, and tiptoed out of the bedroom. In the small hallway, Anna stopped a second to look in Johnnie's room: she smiled when she saw that her baby was soundly asleep.  
Anna felt happier then ever, while she walked down the stairs to go in the kitchen. She had a glass of water, and then she felt very hot. Again, it was expected. It happened also last time. She quietly opened the main door and she stepped outside, breathing deeply. The cool air hit her, and she felt immediately better. It was too cold, though, and Anna turned to ge back inside, when sometime caught her eyes. A light. In Thomas' cottage, the light in his kitchen was on. It looked like he was awake too.   
Weird. Anna frowned. Acting on an impulse, she grabbed her coat and quickly put on her work shoes, that she kept near the door.  
Almost running, she covered the short distance from her cottage to the one in which Thomas had just moved in with little Emily. She peered from the kitchen window, and saw Thomas, in his pajamas, sitting at the table, with his head in his hands.   
Even from outside Anna could hear Emily crying and screaming.  
Without knocking, the lady's maid opened the door, and Thomas jumped on the chair, looking at her with big and scared eyes. He relaxed immediately though, and looked at Anna, who was taking Emily in her arms, cooing and smiling at her.  
"What happened?" asked him the lady's maid. "Why are you crying? Is she sick?"  
Thomas looked desperate. "I don't know... she started crying hours ago. She doesn't stop... I tried feeding her, changing her... nothing works".  
The butler was clearly tired: his eyes were red and he had dark circles around them. He was paler than usual, and his cheeks were wet from crying.   
Anna's heart clenched.   
"I think it's a colic," said then, trying to calm the baby.   
"What?" Thomas sounded confused, then scared. "Is it dangerous?"  
"No, no, don't worry. It's quite common in babies. It happened to Johnnie too. It means that she ingested some air while she was eating, and now she has some cramps as a result".  
"Oh..." Thomas frowned, wiping his eyes. "Can we do something?"  
"Yes, of course. Do you have a hot water bottle?"  
The butler looked at her, his eyes wide. Anna understood. "That's fine, don't worry. Wait a minute, I'm going to fetch mine".  
She gave him the baby, going to the door, but stopped in her tracks when Thomas talked to her.   
"I'm... I'm sorry, Anna, I..."  
The lady's maid smiled. "Don't be silly. It's not a problem at all. I'm coming back in a few second". With a last smile, Anna left.

Half an hour later, Thomas and Anna were both sitting at the kitchen table in the butler's cottage, drinking some tea. The baby was sleeping in her crib, finally.  
"So... be sure that you burp her after you feed her," said Anna to Thomas, in a soft voice, in order not to wake Emily up. "And try to keep the bottle at an angle so that she can't ingest air. I can show you. But don't worry, at her age normally they stop getting colics anyway".  
Thomas still looked tired. "It never happened before... she only cries when she's hungry, or she needs to be changed... I didn't know what to do. When you arrived I was about to bring her to the hospital".  
"Oh, Thomas... I'm sorry you were so worried... but really, it's normal, even if I understand why it can be scary".  
Thomas shook his head. Then, he looked at Anna, his eyes glistening again with tears. "Did I do the right choice? Maybe she would have been better if..."  
"Thomas Barrow, don't even finish this sentence!" ordered him Anna, in a peremptory voice. "You have been absolutely terrific with little Emily. No one could say otherwise. I have to tell you... I had my doubts at first. I know how it can be difficult to care for a little baby. And since you are alone... But then I saw you with her. And I saw her with you. Emily is the happiest baby I have ever seen in my entire life. It's clear that she feels your love for her. She is very lucky to have you, Thomas. Don't ever doubt it again".  
The butler looked at her, hope in his tired eyes. "Do you really think so?"  
"I do", smiled Anna.   
"I think you are wrong about something," said Thomas again, lowering his glance on the table.  
"About what?"  
"I'm not alone. I have all of you". Thomas looked again at her, smiling a little. Anna smiled back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay!  
I will try to update it sooner from now on :)


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